some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
