Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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