I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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