I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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