Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
