You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
