One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
