those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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