i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.