drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
