She is in my trunk
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
