how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and she was petting her beer can
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My feet surprised me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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