i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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