she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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