Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He better not be in your backpack
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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