i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
