I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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