I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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