I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
