He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
