New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
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just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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