Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
