My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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