I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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