I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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