Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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