theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
