Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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