i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
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I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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