I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
