We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
organizing the empties. That sober.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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