I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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