I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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