fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
