hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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