If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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