Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
