Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
