Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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