I'm drive I can fine osifer
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
