Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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