She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize