I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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