why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am available for nakedness
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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