They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize