How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
