I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
