Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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