Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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