I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
