I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
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He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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