i just made my gag reflex go away.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
