Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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