He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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