Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
