Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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