I'm lost and stupid without you.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
