If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
