Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Randomize
