as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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