it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We left the knife in your bed.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
