what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
