Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
