Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
