I think I died a long time ago.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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