no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
