The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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