If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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